8 Ways to Cope with Divorce Through Worship
Written By: Annie Ahmad This world and everything in it and outside of it is in […]
Written By: Annie Ahmad
This world and everything in it and outside of it is in the ownership of Allah, Ar-Rahman.
All that happens is as per His commands, His permission, His approval, His wisdom and His mercy for us: His slaves. We submit and bow down to Him in all circumstances.
People come into our lives with His permission and they leave our lives with His permission. His plan is perfect and Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) does not make mistakes. There are many ways a marriage ends: by death of a spouse, Khula (separation initiated by wife), and divorce (separation initiated by husband).
The word divorce is a painful word, breaking marriages, love, families, homes, relationships, and hearts. It shatters everything. Although permitted, it is disliked by Ar Rahman, The Most Merciful.
My divorce at 30 with two children less than 3-years-old was rather a shock.
It happened through a series of messages and emails from my ex-husband who had been residing overseas for 1.5 years. I learned he had been unfaithful to me. We had been married for four years. I wasn’t ready to accept divorce, I feared the word more than anything. During the iddah, I made all efforts to make things work between us and to convince him to give up on his decision of divorcing me, but it didn’t work. The waiting period ended and the Nikkah was annulled.
After this, everything changed. This was the reality of the life I was to live. It was decreed by Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) to be this way. I beseeched Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) walking, sitting, lying down– everywhere. Eventually, I submitted to His wise decision and He helped me recover through it. He healed me.
I was starting from scratch. All the plans I had for life, the dreams, the hopes, the dependency all had to be altered to fit in the new set of circumstances. There was only myself and my two children; I had no one to depend on except Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) for everything. Although that was the case before, now it was more tangible, concrete, factual and real.
I searched for ways to find peace in my life and to be happy with Allah’s (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) decree, pursuing a purpose in life to please Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala), as He Says in the Quran, (51:56)
I reminded myself to be grateful to Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala). If He has deprived me of the blessing of being married, there are His innumerable other blessings which I must be grateful for, including my health, my children, and my supportive, encouraging family and friends, to name a few.
It definitely was not easy for me but with Allah’s (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) mercy and help, I am coping with this painful experience by using the following means:
I make special dua at tahajjud, observe fasting and make dua before iftaar and at times when I feel sad, lonely, oppressed, and broken. I pray for khair and afiyet, for ease, happiness, tranquility, success and blessings of both worlds.
Astaghfar (seeking forgiveness):
Forgiveness is the key to all tribulations, trials, and afflictions, so I recite Sayyadul Astaghfar after every Salaat.
اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلا أَنْتَ
‘O Allaah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I committed. I acknowledge Your favour upon me and I acknowledge my sin, so forgive me, for verily none can forgive sin except You.’
I try my best to submit to Ar-Rahman. He is the best decision maker & planner, and He has decreed what is best for me and my children. I keep reminding myself of this truth time and again.
Tawakkul means “reliance on Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala)”. One way to do this is by relating to the stories of the trials that the Prophets and the Sahaba experienced.
Think about how Allah saved Ibrahim (alayhi salaam) from burning in the fire; How He provided for Hajar and Ismaeel (alayhi salaam) in the desert; How He saved Yusuf (alayhi salaam) from the well & the prison; How He saved Yunus (alayhi salaam) in the belly of the whale; How He saved and provided for Maryam and Essa (alayhi salaam); How He provided the best husband for Um Salamah when her husband died and for Um Habibah when her husband apostated from Islam in Abyssinia.
Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) saved them, and He will save me and you.
Surround yourself with righteous people, seek advice from them, seek help from them to recover, and share your issues with them. I was advised by a righteous lady that divorce is not all bad; it has many hidden blessings which you cannot see now, but you will see soon.
Focus on how to make your life better. Make a schedule keeping yourself productively busy.
Increase in worshipping Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala); pray tahajjud, make voluntary fasts, make morning and evening azkaar, memorize some surahs of the Quran, improve your recitation with tajweed. You can also keep busy by learning a new skill such as driving, cooking, baking, homeschooling your children, volunteering, etc. Just make your intention to do everything you do to please Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala).
Focus on Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala):
Focus on attaining the pleasure of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala). Every problem we face in this world comes with a solution. We might not have the solution to our problems, but Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) definitely has them. So, instead of focusing on the problem, focus on Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) and He, the Owner of All-Goodness, will make a way out for you from the impossible to the “I’m”possible”.
Focus on the Infinite Life of Akhirat:
We cannot have “happily ever after” in this temporary life. We will face trials and tribulations and we will suffer, but we all know this life is temporary. The ratio of this life is 100 years to the Day of Judgment. 50,000 years in this world is less than 3 minutes in the next. The life in the akhirat is infinite. The ratio of this worldly life to infinite is zero, so we should shift our focus to attaining infinite success and happiness in the next world.
Annie Ahmad is a writer & blogger. She is an accountant by profession, a single parent and homeschooling mother of 2, based in Karachi, Pakistan. She is an avid reader in the time she gets after work and homeschooling her children.