Midnight Prayers of a Single Mother
Written By: Fatima Asmal The air humidifier I bought from a friend at Muslimah Today […]
Written By: Fatima Asmal
The air humidifier I bought from a friend at Muslimah Today this weekend is on. It makes a soothing sound as it whirls around eucalyptus-laced water and shines all sorts of colourful and soothing light into the room.
Beside me, Amr– who developed a nasty throat infection yesterday– has finally fallen into a deep sleep. Thankfully he isn’t battling to breathe as he was last night, thanks to a comprehensive prescription of medicine from our doctor, including the eucalyptus as well as a break from school.
My life is nothing like I imagined it would be. Women with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome don’t fall pregnant easily; I fell pregnant without even intending for it to happen, within three months of being married to his father. And here he is now, this precious, kind, sensitive, generous, warm, loving, funny being…eleven years old, about to turn twelve, in sha Allah.
Subhaanallah. What a blessing! What a gift from Allah. He has certainly always been my ease with my difficulty; A wise and resilient child who is extremely forgiving. I love him so very much. His pain– whether emotional or physical– is something I literally feel. If he’s ill or distressed, my life comes to a stand-still. My dua’as these days, as he approaches maturity and hence Islamic accountability, have become increasingly about him.
I ask Allah to bless him with love for the Qur’an: its memorisation, its retention, a deep understanding thereof and its implementation in his life. And I ask Allah to give him the best of teachers in this regard; in that they are sincere, skilled and close to Allah.
I ask Allah to keep him away from immorality and keep his heart pure and free from spiritual diseases.
I ask Allah for academic success and sporting success yes, but I specifically request that Allah grants him the desire to always prioritise Allah above everything else.
I ask Allah to keep our relationship strong and strengthen it further, and to bless him with an Allah-loving life partner who will be a daughter to me.
I do not know what the future holds for us both. I can only pray for brightness and contentment, and hold tight to him whilst I have him to myself, cherishing him and marveling at him. Picking him up from school is never a chore; It’s the highlight of my day.
In fact, Amr has been the highlight of my life.
This weekend Ustaadhah Radia Bawa Hendricks said that what you see when you look at your children is in essence who you are. I don’t have the greatest of self-esteem and am extremely hard on myself, but if Amr is indeed a reflection of me, then I am pleased with, and grateful for, that.